I think one of the world's most pressing concerns should be to find an actual, living vampire, if one exists. Why? Because vampires, in order to continue to exist as a species, must have a natural immunity to AIDS. So we should find the vampires, steal their blood, take the antibodies, and make vaccines.

I anxiously await the day that HIV becomes more widely recognized as Here, Ingestthese Vampireantibodies.

You listening, Merck? Pfizer? If big pharma capitalizes on this, remember you heard it here first.